I tried to drive to Chantry Flats parking lot this morning. I say tried because well, I didn't make it. somewhere the way up, Siri told me to make a right and listening to her instruction would have sent me plummeting off the cliff. No body told me that I was going to have to traverse a long and winding road up a cliff to hike.
My palms were actually sweating-- and Ive never had sweating palms in my life! Well… not that I can remember.
Looking ahead on the road as it continued to snake along the cliff side without seeming to come to an end, I had to make a choice, do I keep going and see if Siri was just misinformed, maybe the turn was a little farther up the hill, or do I use this turn out here, reverse my steps and snivel back down the hill to REI and ask if I was even heading the right direction… what if there wasn't another turn out? I would be stuck there continuing up to Heaven. (my friend would later say, and that would be bad, why? to which I replied "I agree, but I don't want to have to drive off a cliff to get there)
In the end, I turned and sniveled back down the hill only to discover I was 3/4 of the 3 mile drive up before fear and uncertainty got the better of me.
And now was the bigger uncertainty, how was I going to be able to get back up the hill the next day, let alone get to all the other training hikes I needed to do before I got to MT Whitney. While I am certain that my friend MJ will be kind enough to drive up those hills with me, that was not going to help me Saturday morning and if I couldn't get to the parking lot, then I couldn't hike.
Oh wait, its only three miles, I figured my friends would have to consider adding that to the already seven miles I had already promised them. We would park at the bottom and walk from there if i was going to have to be the one who drove.
Even still I sent my friend Tasha a text and explained the situation. That if she drove my car up the hill (as they only have one car and it would be left with the husband) it would help, and in the end, she asked one of the other ladies to drive, shooting me a text just before I had taken off my earrings, set my Jaw and readied myself to try and drive up one more time.
As I headed to work, the responsibilities of being a leader with a glass jaw weighed on me. How could I lead these people if I was weak in this area? Did it make me unqualified to do this task I had set my sights to accomplish? But then I thought-- its not that I'm a complete coward. its just my bravery starts at a certain point.
I thought about a character I had read in the book "the Phantom Tollbooth" Milo and Toc meet Alec Bing, a boy who comes from a family who's heads stay at they same height to the ground and their legs grow down to earth.
I don't know if I am like Alec where I will grow into the bravery I already have-- or if my bravery just goes to a certain point and I need to be thankful that God has provided others in my life who can pick lift me up on their shoulders so I can get to the place where my bravery lies, but this thing I realized.
Being a leader isn't about being the best all around person who can do everything. Its about having a vision and then surrounding yourself people who are on board with your vision and can augment your areas of weakness with their strength.
